Friday, May 16, 2014

Dear Self,

Dear Self,
Sorry if I haven't seemed myself lately. I had been feeling pretty grumpy these last few weeks. The super painful knee really darkened my world and made it difficult to find the joy in each day. I was just surviving, unable to find hope or anything positive to look forward to. I worked all day, went home straight to my recliner to put my leg up, and never moved until time for bed. Even then sometimes I hurt so much I slept there in the chair, at times not even being able to get into my pajamas. Those times I did make it to bed weren't much better. Tossing and turning all night, unable to find a comfortable spot for the knee. I know things were so bad I almost canceled this trip. Almost gave up the money on the non-refundable cruise. The pain was making me lose my confidence, my power, my determination. I'm so sorry about that.

As fearful as I was of leaving the safety of my home/work routine and the support of my hubby, I knew I had to go forth. But now the
solo,
handicapped,
suck the marrow,
trains, planes, automobiles, and ships adventure is already ending. While I wasn't quite as adventurous as I had hoped (sorry about that, too, but you can blame the pain), I did go over the Golden Gate Bridge on Scooter, all by my lonesome. (That was a biggie for me.) While I certainly haven't regained my confidence and my nighttime tossing and turning didn't get any better, I can see there will be a bright future ahead. So bear with me while I get through this rough patch. I'm not exactly sure how long it'll last.

But soon it'll be time for a new focus, one that will take all my attention, all my determination, all my power, all my confidence, and all my summer. My new knee will be coming soon. But not yet.

Hanging in as best I can,
Deb

P.S.
Here are a couple pictures from today. Remember when I used to take a picture every day? Those were the days, weren't they?




1 comment:

  1. We all have trials, suffering and pain, but the tears are worth it and there is a light at the end of the tunnel. Here's to hoping that your knee surgery will make a difference and turn your life around! ~Lisa

    ReplyDelete