Tuesday, February 4, 2014

Antithesis

an·tith·e·sis. anˈtiTHəsis. noun: a person or thing that is the direct opposite of someone or something else.

As in, Debbie's new behaviors are the antithesis of the old Debbie.

During the life of this blog I believed in living one day at a time.

I believed I should look for the beauty in each day. (Hence the daily pictures.)

I believed that doing things for others made you lead a fuller and more blessed life. (Hence all the sewing projects for charity.)

I believed that, even while I wrote about my struggles and triumphs, life wasn't all about me.

But in the last month I've become obsessed.

Obsessed about the future, always thinking and planning for future times (when I might feel better) and no longer living for the moment.

Obsessed about not wanting to go into the sewing room. Why am I so scared of working on a new project?

Obsessed about not looking around for the beauty in the day. I can't even look beyond checking my school mail every five minutes, no matter what I'm doing. Can't even get through a movie without looking at the phone.

Obsessed about myself. What can I eat? When is my snack? Did I get all my fluids in for the day? How should I space out my vitamins? How much weight have I lost? (50 pounds, for the record.)

This is so not me. I've got to get back to the old me. First up, out to dinner at Alejandra's. Four bites of chicken fajitas - and a picture of the day- and I'm done.

Baby, baby steps.

4 comments:

  1. Glad to see you are back. one day at a time. Each day is a gift. Unwrap it like an expensive chocolate bar. Each day has enough trouble of its own, but you can be of good cheer. How you invest what you actually have in hand, is what gets reaped. Anxiety, that emotion of uncertainty, will rob your joy. Whenever you shared, you reaped back.

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  3. As the spouse , sister and sister-in-law of someone who had gastric sleeve surgery recently .I can't say I know how it feels to have no choice but to change but I have watched it and I know it's a mountain to climb.It's an adjustment for all of us . Being from an Italian family we are trying to find new focus besides food. It's hard hard on everyone but the payoff is worth it.
    Hang in there
    Deb

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  4. 50 pounds...you are doing it!!! I am so proud of you. One day at a time. ~Lisa

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